Crying for help

Spoiler:

Comments are wanted please!!

Liz

This is amazing! I wish I could write poetry like that.

There's just a few mistakes...
"The wolves have no home anymore that's why they are crying"
"No home, no hope, no life, but great sadness and fear."

This was brilliant! Keep writing!!

Kerstin

Okay that was pretty dang awesome!

But dear (I call just about everyone dear) I would try to stick to a more constant rhyming scheme. There are thousands out there. It just seemed too random like you put it in just because you know?
I would also look at line length too. I like to read poems that flow well so they are nice and smooth y'know. One way to do this is to keep similar line lengths for each stanza with maybe one or 2 exceptions.
One final thing...
I think this poem could benefit hugely from some Alliteration, simile and metaphor. The alliteration will help it flow a bit better. The similie and metaphor will improve the imagery from the poem too.

Now then,
With all that said. You had some great rhyme in there. Also the imagery was very powerful. I also liked the story it told too. The inclusion of repetition was great also.

I think that with some touch ups here and there this poem will be great!
I can't wait to read it!
I wish you all the best with it!

*on a side note*
Now that we finally have somewhat of a critiqued piece that I assume will be edited.
Do you think that a "rewritten" forum would be good to be able to put your revised work for people to read?
Just so its away from the clutter of comments and stuff so if I wanted to re read your poem I wouldn't have to dig for it.
Let me know and if Kerstin doesn't see it I'll give her a shout.

Thanks

Laters!

Aidan